What better space to talk about masculinity and men than the
college fraternity? Tonight, I had the opportunity to sit in a room where many
of my colleagues answered the question, “Where do you think
the fraternal movement is headed in ten years?” Many
answers throughout the room ranged from expansion policies to questioning the
social Greek-Lettered organization single-sex status. What was not said (yes, I
was a bystander in this situation) was the lack of support for men. No one
said, “I foresee fraternities increasing the level of support for
men,” and that is a shame.
You might have
seen an article recently about an email sent from a fraternity man to his
chapter brothers about the “save the sluts” campaign
he wanted to start on campus. Chalk another one up to the stupid undergrads who
let their internal communication leak and make us look bad. All of us. Not just
fraternities or student organizations. All men, everywhere. I think of the “men” who
will be attending that institution in the fall and wish them much luck.
Quite honestly,
I am frustrated. Having been in the field about five years, I am a infant
within the profession. However, I am sick and tired of very few men standing up
to those who commit such blinding acts. I offer three keys in your efforts to
encourage the men around you to step up and speak out against acts of
hypermasculinity.
Purpose and
value. I get it. Most young men do not have the capacity yet to make
certain values-based decisions (damn science!) in their lives. In today’s
day and age, we need positive male role models. I question if the main consumer
of the fraternal movement also buys in to this notion. What holds us back from
challenging the men in our lives from being better people? Living with value
and purpose provides guidance to understand our potential to make a positive
impact on both ourselves and other men. I wonder if that letter would have
leaked if someone in the writer’s chapter said “hey man, that’s
not cool and against what we believe.”
Empathy.
When was the last time you truly made a commitment? With commitment comes
buy-in to a cause or issue. We need to find more committed positive male role
models who show empathy with, and to, other men. Trust me when I say that our
male students want to tell their story, and will share when they are ready. Be
that person who makes the first move. Tell your story and watch your students
give your theirs. I wonder if the student who wrote the letter has an
trustworthy adult in his life that could have told him that was a bad idea.
Courage.
To challenge the paradigms that surround hyper masculinity takes courage.
Regardless of age and experience, we all still need to take a deep breath and
put our best foot forward. One way I develop courage is by inspiring a shared
vision for what can be within a fraternal organization. Using “What
if’s,” and
“I wonder if’s,” I
look to create a collaborative vision of a positive masculine experience,
specifically through a fraternal lens. I wonder if that email would have even
been written if any of the writer’s stakeholders (alumni, chapter
brothers, etc.) had the courage to guide him in a different direction.
In a perfect
world, men would hold each other accountable, treat everyone the way they expect
to be treated, and feel comfortable in their identities. Instead, we have 18 to
22 year old students writing email categorizing women as a “lesser
sex.” We have some work to do.
It’s
the people who live with purpose and value, show empathy to others, and have
the courage to step up against what is wrong that change the world. Where do I
see the fraternal movement in the next years? Non-existent if we can’t
produce spaces where healthy masculinity is promoted within the chapter. We
need men to make history; step up, change the world, and guide the way.
—
Danny Catalano is the Assistant Director of Fraternity and
Sorority Life and Leadership at Miami University. He can be imaging sense of
the world, talking about soccer, and sharing his favorite music and books at
Twitter at @dannycisme and at http://dannycatalano.wordpress.com.
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